We are told, often, at a young age that "its not all about you". Well, I'm here to tell you that it is all about you. You are the one who chooses your own actions, you are the one who assigns meaning to your life (according to Victor Frankl), you are the who assigns thoughts to what has happened to you (according to Albert Ellis.) You chart your own destiny, and you are the one who has to choose to cast away the limitations provided by seeing yourself as a victim. Roseanne Barr said that people don't take our power away from, we give it to them. We choose to give our power away, mainly because of fear. I believe that if we boil down our reasons for any choice that does not lead to our growth, it is because of fear. We have a tendency to deny that...but I also believe that under nearly every negative emotion (jealousy, anger, sadness, depression), we find fear if we dig far enough.
Susan Jeffers has a wonderful book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". She's so right, in my opinion. Fear can't kill you. You can overcome your fear, if you want to and if you work hard enough. It all comes down to choices.
What do you choose - your growth as a person, your freedom....or fear?? Its up to you.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Stats
Stats is finally over. I finished it. I can't believe I finished it. When I turned in my last assignment, I realized I'd been holding my breath for 20 weeks, fearing that I was going to hit the one I couldn't figure out. However, I did it. I worked really hard. I think it was the hardest things, intellectually, that I've ever done...besides the Advanced Signals Analysis Course. That was by far, the hardest. Hard work reaps rewards. Indeed.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Statistics
GOOD LAWD! I am so tired of stats. I've been doing stats for 13 weeks now. This weekend I worked on one assignment for 12 flipping hours. I don't care anymore, about variance, or the sums of squares, or power or effect size, or significance, or covariance, or distributions..I don't give two shits about any of it. I know I will care about it when I'm trying to finish my dissertation, and when I'm defending said dissertation, and when I'm publishing research down the road, and when I'm teaching students how to read and consume research... but right now, at 0143, with six weeks of the blasted shit to go...I just don't care.
Books books books books
Sometimes I get to thinking about life. And I wonder, how much is one person supposed to bear? Not just about me, my life is brilliant and I am blessed beyond compare, but about people I love. Friends and family, who seem to have so much to bear. Illness, family members causing pain and turmoil, lost relationships, aching and fear in their hearts. And then...my mind turns to those I have met in books. I recall that in the history of mankind, suffering is a part of life. The older I get, the more experiences I have, the more books I read, the more people I listen to....it all seems to make sense. As Viktor Frankl said "It is through pain and suffering that we assign our individual meaning to our lives"... I think of the boys in Eggers' "What is the What"...and what they endured. I think of Anna Karenina in Tolstoy's novel of the same name, and how having all the materialistic comforts that life could provide, all she wanted was love. I think of Scout in Harper Lee's "To Kill A Mockingbird"...and how at such a young age, she was wise beyond her years and knew people so well. I think of Hemingway's "Farewell to Arms" and how Jordan tried to be a good man by fighting the fascist's..and found Maria...only to lose her. I think of Barbara Robinette Moss in her autobiographical novel, "Change Me Into Zeus's Daughter" and how her mother exposed her to music, art, and the beauty in the world, amongst their life of crippling poverty and an alcoholic father. I think of Princess Daisy in Judith Krantz's novel of the same name, and how she overcame so much and carried such a heavy secret, finding what she always wanted inside herself! I think of Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series, and how the story of Jamie and Claire is the epitome of finding what you need in the last place you could ever imagine. I think of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series of books, and I smile and laugh belly laughs thinking of "Cupcake" and the messes she gets herself into. Kind of like me and my life, which I have been told is like watching a train wreck!
So many books, so many stories, so much humanity. These books, and the people I met inside the pages, have become part of my story, as I read and I relate to them, and their emotions.
I shudder to think of a world with no books. I cringe when I imagine my life without my books. I learned to read in the first grade, (I think)...I read my first "Chaper Book"...(Nancy Drew)...in the 2nd grade, and I have had a book that I am in the process of "reading" every single day of my life since. Oh...I have learned so much. I have cried, and laughed out loud. These characters have become real people to me, and I think of them often.
At work, one of our Professor's who teaches teachers how to teach kids to read, has a sign on her door that says "A Book Worth Banning is a Book Worth Reading"...I say Amen to that!
I have so many favorite books, favorite authors...I couldn't begin to list them all. But I'm going to try. This list is part authors and part titles. I can't remember all the authors.
James Clavell, everything he wrote, but particularly "King Rat".
Judith Krantz
Tolstoy, every single solitary word, even ALL the ones in War and Peace
Hemingway, everything, but particularly "For Whom the Bell Tolls"
Diana Gabaldon, everything she wrote and will write
Wally Lamb, everything
To Kill a Mockingbird
Tale of Two Cities
Jane Eyre
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Love in the Time of Cholera
The Red Tent
Pillars of the Earth
John Jakes, everything
Once an Eagle, Anton Myrer
Nicholas Sparks
Mitch Albom
Breakfast with Buddha
Jodi Piccoult
Janet Evanovich
Eat, Pray, Love
Moby Dick
Jack London
Mary Stewart, every single word
William Manchester
Stephen King...almost all of them, some are too "sinister"...but all the latest ones, and the early ones The Stand was the best!
Zen and the Art of Motorcyle Maintenance
Oh, there is so much more, but my brain is tired!
I love books. I love fiction. I love it because reading fiction teaches me about life, and in feeling someone else's emotions, whether it is first, second or third person, I get more in touch with my own. And understanding your own feelings, being afraid of none of them, and being able to accept them....that is, according to Carl Jung....where the rubber meets the road!
So many books, so many stories, so much humanity. These books, and the people I met inside the pages, have become part of my story, as I read and I relate to them, and their emotions.
I shudder to think of a world with no books. I cringe when I imagine my life without my books. I learned to read in the first grade, (I think)...I read my first "Chaper Book"...(Nancy Drew)...in the 2nd grade, and I have had a book that I am in the process of "reading" every single day of my life since. Oh...I have learned so much. I have cried, and laughed out loud. These characters have become real people to me, and I think of them often.
At work, one of our Professor's who teaches teachers how to teach kids to read, has a sign on her door that says "A Book Worth Banning is a Book Worth Reading"...I say Amen to that!
I have so many favorite books, favorite authors...I couldn't begin to list them all. But I'm going to try. This list is part authors and part titles. I can't remember all the authors.
James Clavell, everything he wrote, but particularly "King Rat".
Judith Krantz
Tolstoy, every single solitary word, even ALL the ones in War and Peace
Hemingway, everything, but particularly "For Whom the Bell Tolls"
Diana Gabaldon, everything she wrote and will write
Wally Lamb, everything
To Kill a Mockingbird
Tale of Two Cities
Jane Eyre
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Love in the Time of Cholera
The Red Tent
Pillars of the Earth
John Jakes, everything
Once an Eagle, Anton Myrer
Nicholas Sparks
Mitch Albom
Breakfast with Buddha
Jodi Piccoult
Janet Evanovich
Eat, Pray, Love
Moby Dick
Jack London
Mary Stewart, every single word
William Manchester
Stephen King...almost all of them, some are too "sinister"...but all the latest ones, and the early ones The Stand was the best!
Zen and the Art of Motorcyle Maintenance
Oh, there is so much more, but my brain is tired!
I love books. I love fiction. I love it because reading fiction teaches me about life, and in feeling someone else's emotions, whether it is first, second or third person, I get more in touch with my own. And understanding your own feelings, being afraid of none of them, and being able to accept them....that is, according to Carl Jung....where the rubber meets the road!
What it Is and What it is NOT
Lots of talk on this subject on the site of late. I've been up on my soapbox a bit, but don't want to be annoying so I decided to put it all down in here, instead. What I have to say is based on research, and science, but since this is my blog, I'm not going to cite anything. If any readers would like the references, let me know and I'll dig them out and email them to you.
1. Homosexuality is not a mental disorder!!! Mental and medical health practitioners use a book called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) to diagnose mental disorders. We are currently using DSM IV (TR)...DSM V is currently being produced. Until 1974 (ish), homosexuality was considered a mental disorder, and most therapists learned "conversion" techniques to help people become "straight". In this day and age, this is considered unethical. Being homosexual is a state of being, just like being heterosexual. There is lots of disagreement about why people are homosexual, but there is a growing body who believe that is just "is", that people are born that way...just like being straight. Why are some people homosexual and some people heterosexual? That is the million dollar question. We don't know....just like we don't know why one cell decides to misbehave to start cancer, why a baby knows its time to be born, or even why we yawn, for Pete's sake! Religious doctrine often times, but not always, considers homosexuality to be a "sin" because of the inability for this union to result, biologically, in a child. There are lots of questions about that, and I'm not a theologian, but I have to ask - if God creates each one of us, and if people are "born" homosexual - then didn't God allow it to happen?? This is where the "deviant" question comes in to play. Not a question I can answer, each of us has to answer it in our own way. In my belief - homosexuality is not a sin, nor a deviance, it is a state of being. Just like being straight.
2. Homosexual people are not freaks, deviants or crazy, and being homosexual does not mean someone has any other disorder of a sexual nature. The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy refers to homosexuality, not pedophilia or anything else!!! Homosexuality does not "lead" to the other disorders!!!!! There is a huge difference between homosexuality, pedophilia, necrophilia, fetishes, beastiality, cross dressing, being transgendered, or any of the other disorders that involve someone's sexuality. Homosexuality is not the "norm", in the sense that "most" humans are heterosexual, and in the sense that lovemaking between homosexuals cannot result in procreation....but that does not logically lead to a diagnosis of a disorder.
Quick explanations of the more well known:
Pedophilia - being sexually attracted to children. Incest is when the child is related, either by blood or relationship.
Necrophilia - being sexually attracted to corpses.
Fetishes - being sexually attracted to a nonliving item(s).
Beastiality (actual term is zoophilia)- being sexually attracted to animals.
Cross dressing (transvestite) - straight men getting a sexual charge out of wearing women's clothing.
Transgendered - having the brain of one sex, and the body of another.
Masochism - getting a charge out of being hurt or degraded
Sadism - getting a charge out of hurting or degrading someone else
Frotteurism - touching or rubbing against a non-consenting person
Voyeurism - watching other people naked without their permission
"Sex" in the sense of being male and female has a biological component. Gender is the overall feeling.
Now - in my opinion, the only "disorders" that are "disorders" are those that harm other people, or result in "non-concensual" relations. Pedophilia - harms children in such horrific ways. Definitely a disorder. Necrophilia - the corpse can't say yes, and its desecration - definitely a disorder. Beastiality - this will seem bizarre, but the poor animal can't agree, so - disorder. Cross dressing - oh shit, whats the freaking harm? Fetishes - go for it. Have fun. Transgendered - an unfortunate set of circumstances, but not "crazy"....everyone deserves to be happy. Masochism/sadism - if both agree, go for it. Voyeurism - disorder, disrespectful. Frotteurism - disrespectful -disorder.
Okay - I've veered off on a tangent, as I am prone to do. Sorry.
Homosexuality is not a disorder. It is not deviant. It is nothing to be afraid of. You can't "catch it". It does not threaten your heterosexuality. Homosexual people do not recruit children. They will not ogle you in the shower, nor will they attack you in your rack at night. I will go further here to say that I absolutely approve of "same sex marriage". Why not? How does someone else's relationship, or legal status as being a married couple, threaten me, as a heterosexual woman, and a married woman? It does not!
Love is love, people. Love is all we need, it makes the world go around, and it conquers all. Fear is the absence of love. Don't be afraid.
Be Love!
Thanks
Kiss Kiss!!
1. Homosexuality is not a mental disorder!!! Mental and medical health practitioners use a book called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) to diagnose mental disorders. We are currently using DSM IV (TR)...DSM V is currently being produced. Until 1974 (ish), homosexuality was considered a mental disorder, and most therapists learned "conversion" techniques to help people become "straight". In this day and age, this is considered unethical. Being homosexual is a state of being, just like being heterosexual. There is lots of disagreement about why people are homosexual, but there is a growing body who believe that is just "is", that people are born that way...just like being straight. Why are some people homosexual and some people heterosexual? That is the million dollar question. We don't know....just like we don't know why one cell decides to misbehave to start cancer, why a baby knows its time to be born, or even why we yawn, for Pete's sake! Religious doctrine often times, but not always, considers homosexuality to be a "sin" because of the inability for this union to result, biologically, in a child. There are lots of questions about that, and I'm not a theologian, but I have to ask - if God creates each one of us, and if people are "born" homosexual - then didn't God allow it to happen?? This is where the "deviant" question comes in to play. Not a question I can answer, each of us has to answer it in our own way. In my belief - homosexuality is not a sin, nor a deviance, it is a state of being. Just like being straight.
2. Homosexual people are not freaks, deviants or crazy, and being homosexual does not mean someone has any other disorder of a sexual nature. The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy refers to homosexuality, not pedophilia or anything else!!! Homosexuality does not "lead" to the other disorders!!!!! There is a huge difference between homosexuality, pedophilia, necrophilia, fetishes, beastiality, cross dressing, being transgendered, or any of the other disorders that involve someone's sexuality. Homosexuality is not the "norm", in the sense that "most" humans are heterosexual, and in the sense that lovemaking between homosexuals cannot result in procreation....but that does not logically lead to a diagnosis of a disorder.
Quick explanations of the more well known:
Pedophilia - being sexually attracted to children. Incest is when the child is related, either by blood or relationship.
Necrophilia - being sexually attracted to corpses.
Fetishes - being sexually attracted to a nonliving item(s).
Beastiality (actual term is zoophilia)- being sexually attracted to animals.
Cross dressing (transvestite) - straight men getting a sexual charge out of wearing women's clothing.
Transgendered - having the brain of one sex, and the body of another.
Masochism - getting a charge out of being hurt or degraded
Sadism - getting a charge out of hurting or degrading someone else
Frotteurism - touching or rubbing against a non-consenting person
Voyeurism - watching other people naked without their permission
"Sex" in the sense of being male and female has a biological component. Gender is the overall feeling.
Now - in my opinion, the only "disorders" that are "disorders" are those that harm other people, or result in "non-concensual" relations. Pedophilia - harms children in such horrific ways. Definitely a disorder. Necrophilia - the corpse can't say yes, and its desecration - definitely a disorder. Beastiality - this will seem bizarre, but the poor animal can't agree, so - disorder. Cross dressing - oh shit, whats the freaking harm? Fetishes - go for it. Have fun. Transgendered - an unfortunate set of circumstances, but not "crazy"....everyone deserves to be happy. Masochism/sadism - if both agree, go for it. Voyeurism - disorder, disrespectful. Frotteurism - disrespectful -disorder.
Okay - I've veered off on a tangent, as I am prone to do. Sorry.
Homosexuality is not a disorder. It is not deviant. It is nothing to be afraid of. You can't "catch it". It does not threaten your heterosexuality. Homosexual people do not recruit children. They will not ogle you in the shower, nor will they attack you in your rack at night. I will go further here to say that I absolutely approve of "same sex marriage". Why not? How does someone else's relationship, or legal status as being a married couple, threaten me, as a heterosexual woman, and a married woman? It does not!
Love is love, people. Love is all we need, it makes the world go around, and it conquers all. Fear is the absence of love. Don't be afraid.
Be Love!
Thanks
Kiss Kiss!!
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